i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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