i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
