and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
