From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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