I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
