my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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