I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I touched a dick in church today
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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