I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
