lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
