Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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