There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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