He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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