woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
sex in a hospital.. check
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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