you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
