i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
