Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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