Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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