If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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