is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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