So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
