Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
