Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
