I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
