I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
