i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
