I accidentally had phone sex last night
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
