Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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