i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
