those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
