I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
