dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
