There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
