Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
