Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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