It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
