Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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