ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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