There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
