shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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