You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
