The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
