i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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