I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
