Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
