its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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