She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
