the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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