the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
