You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
