We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
