I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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