I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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