living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
