Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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