you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
