So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
