I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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