yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
