yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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