I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
