I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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