he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
