i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
